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  • Writer's pictureDavid Harten Watson

General Jar Jar Binks was a military GENIUS compared to Admiral Amilyn Holdo in The Last Jedi!

What I hate about the new Disneyfied SW Trilogy? Everything!

1) The plot, which wanders off in all directions while at the same time defying all logic and violating everything we know about the Star Wars universe.

2) The dialogue, 'nuff said

3) The wooden acting, 'nuff said.

4) The primitive technology and moronic tactics, which apparently regressed from 25th century technology to 1940s technology between Episode 1 and the Episode 8. Despite every other Star Wars movie showing starships fighting with missiles, torpedoes, blasters, ion cannons, and other advanced weaponry, Disney decided to beat us over the head with a WWII analogy by having the rebel fleet in The Last Jedi fly B-17 Flying Fortress spaceships that used gravity bombs, fly incredibly slowly, and were commanded by the galaxy's STUPIDEST Admiral, Amilyn Holdo, who ordered these slow, vulnerable, primitive bombers to fly in tight, close formation just so they could all be destroyed (a single shot destroyed TWO BOMBERS because they were flying in such an idiotically close formation!) Even a Private knows better than to attack in tight formation. That Admiral should have been court-martialled, busted down to E-1, and put on KP duty peeling potatoes! Oh wait, I forgot, EVERYONE in the Star Wars universe is an Admiral or General, even Jar-Jar Binks was a General for cripe's sake!

5) The characters. Even General Jar-Jar Binks was a military GENIUS compared to that stupid Admiral Amilyn Holdo that I just mentioned, the one who decided to use 1941 technology and fly B-17 bombers (except slower than WWII bombers) in slow, tight formation (so they could all easily be destroyed, 2 with a single shot!) to drop GRAVITY bombs onto a star destroyer instead of just using missiles, torpedoes, blasters, ion cannons, or other advanced weaponry, such as the EMP weapon that the Rebels used SUCCESSFULLY against an Imperial Star Destroyer way back in Rogue 1 (which took place BEFORE episode IV)!

6) Mary Sue, I mean Rey, who I should call Marty Sue because s/he is a helluva lot more macho than Luke Skywalker or the other male characters. Rey is able to master the Force instantly despite not only being untrained, but being a DISBELIEVER in the Force just days earlier. No, s/he is nothing like Luke. Luke tried and failed, and failed again and again and again, despite being trained by not just one but two of the greatest Jedi Masters who ever lived! FYI, Luke Skywalker had YEARS of training from Yoda. Just because those years of training happened in between Episode V and VI, many people don't realize he had years of training, but he did. With Rey, the first time Rey turned on a lightsaber, she defeated Sith Lord Kylo Ren, despite not even believing in the Force a few days earlier and having zero training. And where did she learn to fly a spaceship, from a correspondence course, from Phoenix University online courses? How did s/he learn to use the Jedi Mind Trick without ever seeing it done and without even BELIEVING in the Force?

The only explanation that would make sense (you heard it here first!) Is that Rey is the clone of Emperor Palpatine, he put his mind into his/her body. That would explain how s/he can use the Force without any training and why s/he is more macho than most of the male characters, Rey is not only a man, Rey is Emperor Palpatine! You heard it here first. Anyone want to place bets?

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